Keeping Active During a Pandemic

Running is social distancing? 

Isn't it? 

David didn't think so. But then I had to remind him that social distancing has been my norm as long as I can remember.  I can say it all started when I became depressed, then it spilled on over into my postpartum depression. The only one person I ever met with once a week was my therapist. For 2 years she helped me navigate what I wanted my life to look like. Before that,  I worked 2 jobs. Well, lets be honest, I've always had two jobs. Sometimes I would take a break, but a break to me was staying at home and reading a book or running.  Social distancing has been my family's norm for over 16 years. We don't go to Saturday birthday parties. We don't have dates with friends unless it was school related like art. We don't even go to church because most of the days I had to work were on Sundays when every other nurse wanted to be off.  Holidays were always spent here at home. Just the 5 of us, and then DJ would come into the mix from his military leave.  

14 years of running provided me with all I ever wanted and needed.  

Lately its been difficult running. EVERYONE IS OUT!!!  Every time I'm out, I feel my heart sink, I smile and then I bolt into the highway like a mad women. My point is to avoid the oncoming person who is 15 feet away from me. That gives me enough time to react. 

When I ran on the highway, I almost got ran over twice with one being my husband when he ran a yellow light and almost hit me. I never knew I was in danger and later as I came home, he told me the news. So, Highway running was ruled out by the family as a "No, we will not allow you to run on the side of the highway and let you get hit."  Okay, they had a valid point. But now, I have no choice than to risk my life by running on the highway. 

Social distancing and running. Win. Win. Again. 

So, if you are like me and you need an outdoor outlet, you can keep your 6ft social distance and continue to get those endorphins.  I've had to stop doing things I would normally do while I ran, but I don't miss it. 

Here are some tips so you can continue to get your Vitamin D, endorphins and sanity back while enjoying a run, bike ride or walk. 

• Do not go into the gas station to get you a snack or a drink. I would always stop and take a bathroom selfie that I would rarely even post and then steal (I mean buy)  a cup of water from the fountain machine. Now come on, I'm only getting water. It should be free. 
• When at the stop light, do not push the signal button to cross. Use your feet, your elbows, but do not touch that filthy Corona infested button.
• Run, bike or walk by a local church and stand in front of the building and say a prayer for America. Say a prayer for me and all the nurses too.  We need protection. And I'm talking about both, God's spiritual protection and the worlds physical protection: Personal Protective Equipment, the kind of protection that keeps viruses off of us and everyone else.
• Try not to handle your phone. Create a playlist and stick with that. 
• If you are running or walking and there is someone 15 ft away from you, bolt to the side of the highway, of course look for oncoming traffic. Do not get hit. Please. For your family. Stay alive.  And then smile and look back at your confused, but you know he gets the point.  If you smile, its to say that during these times, you are not a A**hole. 
• Don't talk to your neighbor and all the millions of neighbors out trying to do the same thing you are. Just keep that 6 ft distance and smile and wave. You will have plenty of time after all this over to show them that you are in fact a decent human being by baking them some cookies. 
• When you come home, take off your shoes, leave them at the door. Immediately go in and wash your hands and then undress your sweaty clothes and hop in the shower. 
• If you are like me and you like to get some energy first before ingesting 20 pills, don't forget to take your Elderberry syrup. 
• Also, come home after you've exercised for 1 hour and 1/2 and have yourself a beer. You deserve it. Gluten-free of course and Austin East Ciders of course too. Oh, and the new one, Brut thats only 100 calories, 4 grams of carbohydrates and 2 grams of sugar. 

I hope you can find laughter in all this  and remember that I've been homeschooling my kiddos for over 12 years now, so when this pandemic is all over, please remember to check on me every once in awhile and send Tiffs Treats, preferably the mix. And hopefully when this is all over, my profession will be stronger and braver than ever. 

Homemade Shrimp tacos with organic flour tortillas. 

 At least I have some cute Lululemon 

gear to wear during my run!

Until Next Time, 

WASH YOUR HANDS.

STAY AT HOME. 

Jennifer 

I Cannot Stay at Home, I am a Nurse.

David says I'm a Hero. The President says I'm a Hero. 

I don't feel like a Hero. 

If you scroll down enough on your Facebook feed, you will see many posts about COVID19 also known as the Coronavirus. You will see posts from healthcare professionals requesting donations of masks. You will see memes, trying to lighten the situation. You will see others documenting their self quarantine. You will see pictures of bare grocery shelves. You will see posts from your neighborhood group about what grocery store has what in stock so you can hopefully feed your family for at least a week or two. 

You will see pictures of what others are doing with their idle hands; yoga, reading, drawing, or even baking. Some will create a blog or YouTube channel to share their experiences.  Some will use their talents to help others deal with the stress and fear that this has caused.

Some, like myself, will be at the front line battling. We won't have time to post how we feel. We won't let you see the sadness we feel or let you see the fear in our eyes. You will never see our pain as we struggle to get through our 12  or 16 hour shift without the necessary supplies needed to protect ourselves. You won't see the Post traumatic stress we will endure in a couple of months when this is all over. And will it be over? And if so, When? Will we get the help that we need? All over the world, Health care Professionals are the backbone of our healthcare. They are who we turn to when we are sick. They are the healers.  They are the wisdom we seek when we no longer know what is the truth. They are what we need when a Pandemic arises and we have no where to turn to but them.
We are obligated to take care of the healers.  And by taking care of the healers, we need to take this quarantine that was issued seriously so that we can decrease the number of people exposed/sick.
We need to continue to encourage each other to keep going, to keep pressing on in the midst of the chaos.  We need to come together, close our eyes and pray for this sickness to end. 

So, Please, 

STAY AT HOME.

WASH YOUR HANDS. 

You will remember these two sentences for the rest of your life. Simply because this will be recorded in the history books and we will look back at this and we will learn from this.

We will learn to Love strangers as our own family. 

We will learn to Sacrifice ourselves for another human being. 

We will learn that Rest is what rejuvenates our soul and that having a home to be quarantined to is a blessing.

We will learn how to make breads, cookies and stews.

We will learn that Reading can lower your heart rate and blood pressure.

We will learn how to Share with others when they are out of what they need to survive.

We will learn what a Hobby is and that Drawing, Painting and Sewing is for everyone.

We will learn that music is the gateway to the soul and that just simply being home, listening to records or playing a musical instrument can make our hearts leap with joy. 

We will learn to sit on the couch, or bed and watch movies till 1 in the morning. 

That watching all the Toy Story series brings back memories and you remember why you always cry at the end of Toy Story 3.

We will learn that sitting on your front porch will make you realize that you actually have neighbors and they do exist. 

We will learn that Zoom is not only for hight tech folks and that you can actually do a live class and learn something. 

That going to the gym is really not a need, and that we can all go outside and run, walk or bike for free. 

My friends, we will learn so much from this tragedy. We will learn to slow down and smell the beautiful roses in season. We will learn that life is so damn precious and that sitting in a room with my family present is priceless. 

Learn to be Still. 

Learn to Slow down.

Life will be there waiting for you, as it always is. 

We just need to see the beauty in it. 

David, my husband has been creating more.  This is his Instagram account. 

                                                      https://www.instagram.com/mexicanyetiart/

  We are all in this together. 

Until Next Time, 

Stay Safe

Jennifer 

Saturday was a Sweet Day to pick Strawberries

Sweet Berry Farm. Marble Falls, Texas

For years I obsessed with going to this sweet, little farm nestled in Marble Falls. Years passed. The desire to go lingered in my heart.  My Facebook feed would be filled with fellow homeschool families, co-op groups that made the trip every year.

STRAWBERRIES. SWEET STRAWBERRIES. 

When Emily was a baby she loved to eat strawberries.  Days later we would notice her cheeks were red and she would have a rash. She loved eating them and she didn't stop. The allergy soon went away and now a vibrant 15 year old, she can eat all the strawberries she wants without causing her a rash. Our fourth child Hazel would enjoy them as well but this little girl never developed an allergy or a rash to them so everyday since she was 6 months old I bought her a pint of strawberries. Every morning, afternoon and sometimes as a late night snack, Hazel would gobble them up.
Avocados, Strawberries and Bananas were her absolute favorite.

And so, I woke up one morning and decided to head out to Marble Falls. We went on a Saturday. There were heavy rains the days before and the day we went turned out to be a beautiful day to pick strawberries. Afterwards we ate at BlueBonnet Cafe.  Zach loves home cooked food. We even took a Lemon Meringue pie home.

Things to consider 

• If you have little ones, who like to jump and run, then pack an extra pair of clothes and shoes
• Wear Rain Boots!
• Dress Comfortably and maybe pack some extra clothes for yourself as well. 
• Go Hungry and pick a nice place to eat: Blue Bonnet Cafe Address: 5703, 211 US-281, Marble Falls, TX 78654 Phone: (830) 693-2344 Happy Hour is from 3pm-5pm and they have daily specials.          Bill's Burgers Address: 307 Main St, Marble Falls, TX 78654 Phone: (830) 201-4481
• Let your little one take the Train Ride: It only cost $4.00 and it will make the trip back home so much easier. 
• Get the Strawberry Smoothie!!
• Take back a souvenir:  We bought a fridge magnet. They have t-shirts as well. 
• Take plenty of pictures. Thankful for Zach who is my Photographer. 
• Take it slow when driving. The roads are winding. 
• Look out the window, put the phones away, enjoy looking out at nature. It's beautiful. 
• Check out their Facebook Page before heading out to get updates on the crops that are ready for picking. They also have Blueberries and Peaches when in Season.

                                                   Sweet Berry Farm Facebook Page

ALL PHOTOS TAKEN BY ZACHARY SALAS. 

Zachary Salas Photography
Click on Link

Until Next Time, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free, 
Don't Eat the Animals!

Jennifer

Friday Family Day

"We've only been here for 30 minutes."  She then looked at me and concluded that the screaming, crying child named Hazel was tired and hungry.  No, I said, she wanted to come out and that's why we were here.  In my mind all I kept thinking was, "Please don't judge me." 
I then quickly paid for the items I was able to throw into my basket and out we both went. Hazel still crying. Me: I felt defeated. 

And maybe she was tired and hungry. But, aren't all 3 year olds always hungry and tired.

It's when you wake up and realize that 1) you need more sleep 2) if you don't get up and tend to the 3 year old who is jumping up and down on the bed and telling you constantly, "Good morning Mom!". Your husband will have a nervous breakdown and you will be left alone trying to care for this little, demanding human being.

Lately its been non-stop with Hazel. Sometimes I wish I could send her off to a daycare and get some rest. Sometimes I wish my Mom was here. Sometimes I wish that I was a stay at home mom and could handle all this energy she has.  But for REAL. Parenting is hard.  I never realized how hard it was until Hazel was born. She's the fourth child. 12 years apart from my last child, Emily. She's precious. She's smart. She saved us all and gave us a purpose in life.

Do not let her Die!

We had a nice breakfast at Casa Costa in Leander. My absolute favorite little quiet spot. If you haven't been, what are you waiting for? Free coffee refills, gluten-free quiche and the prettiest display of treats. Hazel got her own quiche and afterwards a chocolate chip cookie, which she managed to throw at Emily as we were on our way to the Bookstore. Poor Emily!

Afterwards, we tried to go Thrift Store shopping and after being in the store with a screaming, crying child for 30 minutes, it was time to go. 

Sometimes just going to the Bookstore makes the day much better.  

And Spending an hour at the park does it too.
And getting a hug from your 15 year old who tells you that you're a good mom. 

Hazel loves books!

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Don't EAT THE ANIMALS, 

Jennifer

Family

Family.  

My word for the year has been Family. It all started with my son Dave. He made sure to be with us anytime he had the opportunity. 2 jobs and being a young kid in Austin never stopped him from being with us. My days off would consist of us going into Austin to spend a day with him. Snooze was my favorite place to be, and he made sure that I enjoyed every minute of the day we spent together. 

Family. 

That's what fed my soul.  

That's what kept me grounded. 

Dave and Hazel.

Every holiday, every birthday celebration, we were inseparable. Requests from work would be made so that I would have one full day of celebration with my family. Weeks before I would work an extra day or two so I could have enough money to spend on a nice dinner and some really cool gifts to give. Last year, we all crammed into grandmas's house to exchange gifts for Christmas. We bought a tree, put up decorations, and spent a little bit more money on gifts that year. We never worried about where we would lay our heads down that night or what we would eat. Well, I always worry about what we'll eat because I'm a foodie, but we had Family.  

Christmas has and always will be my favorite holiday. For the past 2 years that grandma and grandpa housed us, I dug deep down into the depths of my soul to find peace and contentment in what we were given. You see, we had no chimney of our own to hang stockings on. We had no desire to buy decorations or lights to shine on our home. We had no home.

First year hanging stocking in our new home. Christmas 2018.

Christmas was just another reminder for me that I failed, and that next year we would have to work harder to be able to celebrate Christmas in our own house. Christmas for me was joy and pain wrapped up in my heart. Every year I waited for Yeshua (Jesus, my deliverer) to unwrap that pain, replace it with joy, and let it pour out into my life, and the life of others that I was entrusted with caring for.

This year my healing continues. The depression is still there; it comes when joy wants to be unwrapped. It steals the little joy that I have in my heart and replaces it with pain. It comes as tears stream down my cheeks while I'm sewing Christmas stockings. It comes as I'm wrapping gifts that were bought with love.

Joy has not fully been unwrapped. It still hasn't arrived, but I'm praying it does tomorrow. I pray that it's filled with contentment and immense cheerfulness as I see the kids open up their gifts on Christmas day. And I pray it comes when I just sit and close my eyes and wrap myself in the loving arms of my Savior.

Yeshua, come near.

I miss DJ.  I miss Kat.

Hazel and Kat

Family:  The greatest gift you could ever receive. 

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer Salas

Christmas 2018

This must be the place

Today ends the long worn out week that I've had. It's the end and the beginning of something so beautiful that my heart aches.  They say that  fear of the unknown is human nature.  It's that same fear that takes a hold of us and forces us to continue the same old path that we've been accustomed to. My two fears in life have been Death and Life.  Death is inevitable. Everyone fears it. I almost made it there, but I'm excited to say that I have overcame death twice and that my goal is to stay alive. The second fear I have is Life. During the past two years I've feared life itself.  It's a constant struggle to live and I'm not talking about depression.  God healed me of my depression. I'm talking about the fear of not providing enough for my family:  a home, a place of rest is where I want to be.  

Home is where I want to be.  

It's also the place where you make memories. A place where you rest. A place where you build a family so strong that it conquers the world.  And even though we are in a temporary place, I feel that we are stronger because of our struggles.  Tomorrow will be the beginning of struggle to find peace in my profession. A new beginning into caring for others in a way that I wish others would have cared for me when I was suffering from my postpartum depression.  It's where I need to be.

Thursday will be a day that will also come too soon. A day that I will have etched in my heart with the memory of saying goodbye to my first born son. A day of mourning. A day of joy. A day that my son will face the same fear I have: fear of the unknown.  A  day he will proudly serve our country so that he can have a future. A day that I never knew would come. A day that comes too soon.  

But with new beginnings there's a certainty that always comes when we believe in our creator. It's the certainty of a God that promises to never leave us or forsake us. A God who takes that fear and slowly changes it into a strong faith that will sustain us throughout our course. 

Home is where I want to be.  

But I guess I'm already there

Corpus Christi. 2001

DJ,

I'm gonna miss you boy. I'm gonna miss that big smile of yours. The kind heart you have. The joy you bring.  I am so proud of you.  Thank you for being you.  Because without you I would fall apart.

Mom

Kat, 

You are the other half of DJ that we are going to miss so much. From the moment we met you, we knew that you belonged in our family.  We will see each other soon.  We love you. 

Jennifer

Bumblebee

I don't know if I have the energy to cry anymore. My coughing woke me up at 4 a.m., which then I spent an hour in the bathroom hacking up a lung. As a nurse and a mom of a 1 year old, the going never stops. I go until the pedal gets stuck and then I am forced to stop.  Moments like this make me thank God hundreds and hundreds of times for my life. So, as I forced myself to get up out of bed and find some normal routine, I turned on the children's station where Hazel and I listen to songs and sing along to classics such as "Monkeys on the Bed", "De Colores", and "Five Little Ducks."  One song came on and tears just started streaming down my already puffy, sick face.

Bumblebee
The lyrics as follows, 

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,
Ouch! It stung me!

I'm squishing up the baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
I'm squishing up a baby bumblebee,
Ooh! It's yucky!

I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,
Won't my mommy be so proud of me,
I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,
Now my mommy won't be mad at me!

I pictured that cute little boy coming home from school showing me the motions of the song and having the biggest smile on his face. Tears began to flow as I remembered how small my first born son, Dave was. Small but he already owned a big smile. Zach always says that he always brightens up the room. David says the same. He brings life to every party. We need a day or two to prepare for his entrance and two days later we are filled with joy with all the excitement he brings to us. For his 21st birthday we had the pleasure to celebrate it with him and his girlfriend, Kat. There was plenty of food for us at Snooze and later on we enjoyed homemade fried chicken with all the fixings that I prepared.  On Thanksgiving day, he brought me a cup, but not just any old regular cup. It had the words Navy on it. He had prepared me the day before with his excitement on how he was officially going into the Navy. At that time I was still in shock. To be honest, I did not know what to say. He went on to tell me how he scored really high on his test and it placed him in a really good position: Aviation and Electronics, Electrical and Computer Systems Technician. I went on to tell him how I knew that I was going to be a Nurse because I also scored high on my exam. Something I knew nothing of.  

No one in my family was a nurse.

No one in our family has ever served in the military. 

My boy made a very wise decision. I am beyond proud of him. He told me that he didn't just want to spend the next years of his life being a server. He wanted so much more. And so much more is what he will find. He will find wisdom in the new places he visits, joy as well as pain, and He will find that this little boy who used to sing the Bumblebee song to me with so much joy will find much more joy in the world that he will pave for himself.

I love you with all my heart boy. 

Look at that face!!!

DJ and Kat

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

Every little thing is going to be alright.

It's the day before my birthday and I'm listening to Bob Marley's, "Three little birds."

Don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Singing' don't worry about a thing
'Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Tomorrow I will be 38 years old. Tomorrow I will celebrate another day of life. Tomorrow I will give God thanks for my healing and guiding me through all the tough, unbearable events in my life. One event that recently almost ended my life was Postpartum Depression.  In my previous blogs, I shared with you my experience with dealing with it and what has healed me. It's been a year and 4 months and I'm living a full and happy life. I have wanted to share more of my experience with it, but have not had the time or the energy to do so.  Today I will share with you my experience during my hospitalization. It's a long read, so sit back, grab some coffee. 

"Are you okay?" I looked up form my teared filled eyes and saw a woman looking a bit curious as to why I was crying. "Did something upset you?" I told her I was okay. Her response was a bit concerning as she said to me, "God Bless you."Three hours later I would sit in a professionals office with a doctor who looked exactly like the actor on the TV series, House. I would sit in his office and cry. No offer for a tissue. No, are you okay, and not even are you going to be okay? Instead I was told that I was a danger to myself and that I needed to be hospitalized. A frantic, "What?" spilled out of my mouth. More tears. I don't want to go to the hospital I said. What about my family? My new baby? No, I said. No, no, no. 

No matter how much I cried and pleaded, the decision was already made up in his mind. I was going to the loony bin. Lord, I cried out in my head, "How did this happen?"I pleaded one more time and then looked straight at him and asked, "What is wrong with me?"Well, you have Postpartum Depression. You have a plan to end your life and I feel that for your safety that you need to be hospitalized. 

There was nothing upsetting me, nothing that made me want to end my life. I just felt sad and the only solution in my head was to end my life. No matter how much I prayed, the thoughts overwhelmed me. They felt like a knife being jammed in my chest. It hurt to breathe. According to the laws and as my Psychologists duty to do no harm and protect me, it was my doctors legal obligation to send me to the hospital. If I had left that day and ran into traffic as I planned on doing, then he would have ruined my life as well as incurred many years of suffering for my family.  

I needed help. 

I was embarrassed that I was sick. I'm a Nurse. We don't get sick. We fight for our patients. We nurse them back to health. We are advocates for them. I was pleading for my life and I was afraid that it was in my hands and I wanted to end it. 

First of all, no one is immune to anything. Postpartum depression happened to me.  The nurses showed no compassion for me. I'm stating this because I don't know how they treat others, but I was never asked if I was okay. A simple, "How are you?" "Are you okay?" or a simple "Good Morning?" would have meant the world to me.  I hadn't bathed in 2 days because they never gave me toiletries. I wore the same clothes for what seemed like eternity to me, but I managed to get along with my roommate and she kindly offered me some soap and shampoo.  Having a bath after 2 days felt like heaven and I could feel my soul slowly come back to life. We all were herded up like cattle at 8am so we could take our medication. Not once was I informed of what I was taking or counseled on the side effects.  Medication was another glimpse of hope. Even if it didn't help, I told myself I was going to get out of there. 

"I'm not that sick." I'm not psychotic." Self talk. I needed that every minute of the day. I'm sure all the other Schizophrenic, Bipolar patients felt the same way I did. We never think we are sick. We walk around with pain. Some try to self medicate and end up far more worse. Some just try to put on the biggest smile thinking it will cover up what's inside. We are all hurting in some way. We just find ways to heal ourselves.  I think I might have been the only one suffering from Postpartum depression.  I needed to pump and I was taken into a room with full view windows and no blanket.I felt cold, exposed as tears ran down my face. "I can't do this." I'm going to quit breastfeeding Hazel. I cried even more. During my initial assessment when I was admitted I was told to take off my clothes and leave my bra and panties on. Inside I felt like screaming. Inside I felt like saying, "You are nurses, I'm a nurse too, bring me a fucking gown to cover my exposed skin. Nothing but coldness filled my body. I stood there numb. Speechless. I looked down at my protruding belly as they lifted it up to see my c-section.Cold hands touched my body.
Cold hearts. 

Now I wonder if those nurses who worked there were just stressed or was it that they really didn't know how to take care of those who are hurting. In nursing, it's easy to take care of a patient who is happy, pleasant and knowledgeable about his/her care. The hurting are messy. They look like a mess. They feel like a mess. They don't know what to say or they stay silent, screaming at the top of their lungs, some are heard, others are not. When I was discharged, the nurse slid an envelope on the counter and said, "your prescriptions are in there as well." Confusion again consumed me. Hurt. Anger. No one wished me well or offered a crisis number if I needed it. Did they know I was a Nurse and that I could figure it out myself? How many people did they do this to? Maybe it was just me. As I left the unit, I ran (I literally ran out) out the door and was greeted by my wonderful husband and kids. Hazel was in her car seat and when I looked at her I wanted to live. I felt free. I felt alive. And when I got home, grandpa cooked pork ribs with potato salad. I finally arrived.Update:  I've been medication free for over a year now. I take a combination of vitamin b-12 and l methyfolate supplement. I did a combination of this and weekly therapy sessions for over a year. I also run daily and do Yoga 3 times a week.  This combination has helped me. And I do believe in the power of prayer. I prayed for healing and God healed me. 

Postpartum depression:

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 11 to 20% of women who give birth each year have postpartum depression symptoms. If you settled on an average of 15% of four million live births in the US annually, this would mean approximately 600,000 women get PPD each year in the United States alone.

If you or someone you know is suffering, please seek help. Call 911 if you have to. Just get help, please. 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Postpartum Support

http://www.postpartum.net/locations/texas/

Postpartum Resources

http://www.1800ppdmoms.org/

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

Friends Help Each Other, Yes They Do

Friends help each other

Yes they do

Friends help each other

Yes they do

Even if you can do it by yourself

It's much more fun when friends can help

Friends help each other

Yes they do, it's true

Hazel's favorite show is Daniel Tiger.  She listens to the music frequently, and yes, I admit it too, she watches TV.  Save all those studies and recommendations for someone else, because my child is going to watch TV no matter what the studies say. My mom sat me in front of the TV as young as 6 months. I'm not damaged. Or Am I?  I'm little crazy I do admit, but I don't think Sesame Street or Fred Rogers were to blame.  

Which brings me to why I like the lyrics to the song.  Friends help each other. Yes they do.

Friends make doing things so much better, so much more fun. Before my year long battle with postpartum depression, I would frequently make time for friends.

Lunch dates were filled with encouraging words for each other. 

Runs were much more fun when a friend could join me.

 During my depression, I isolated myself from others and the lunch dates I used to have with friends were replaced with weekly therapy sessions. My heart is still filled with so much love for those of my friends who took time out to encourage me, to pray for me and to hear my crazy stories of my adventures in nursing.  My healing could of not happened if I didn't have the support of my friends.  Which brings me to today.

Today, my friend Tara and I ran the Firecracker 5k in Lago Vista.  Honestly, I love running, but races were not my thing.  I did a couple of races in my time, but I just never wanted to get up at 4am in the morning to prepare myself for a run. Running alone brings me peace. Racing makes me anxious and fear tends to settle in days before the run.  But today was different.  I told myself that I couldn't let Tara down and that I needed to do this for myself as well.  A few months back, I told myself that I would step out of my comfort zone and enroll in several races this year.  Well, I did it. 

Shout out to David and the kids for getting up so early to come. Zachary, the photographer of course, I love you guys!! Congrats Tara on beating your previous time!! Way to go, girl!!!  And thanks for signing us up for the race.  

• 1st race 2017

Firecracker 5k 30.58 time. And of course, I  took my shoes off mid race because it was really hot. 

If you didn't already know what my favorite food is. 

Warm up session before race

I know Tara is thinking, "What did I get myself into?"

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

How to deal with depression

Let me first start off by saying this, and I'm making this pretty clear before I write anything.

There is no cure for depression. But you sure as hell can fight it.

If you've been diagnosed with clinical depression, you will be offered an antidepressant. There are many choices: Zoloft, Paxil, Cymbalta, Wellbutrin, Lexapro and many more that I chose not to list. If you decide to take anyone of these, please be aware of the side effects and the long term effects of these medications. I am not against antidepressants. They can be life saving for some people who are severely depressed. I suffer from major depressive disorder/postpartum depression.  You can suffer from mild depression, but if the depression lasts more than 2 years it is considered major depressive disorder.

If you are suicidal with thoughts of harming yourself and you have a plan, please seek medical attention. Call 911, call the Austin Crisis Center. There are several. Let me list them for you.

• Austin Integral Crisis Hotline: 512-472-HELP (4357) Toll free 1-844-398-8252 
• Location: 56 East Avenue, Austin, Texas 78701 You can go directly to this building and get seen by a mental health professional. Hours are Monday-Friday 8am-10pm and Saturday and Sunday 10am-8pm
• BlueBonnet Trails Community 24 hour crisis hotline 1-800-841-1255
• National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255 There is an option for an online chat at suicidepreventionlifeline.org 

There is someone that is always willing to listen. Sometimes we think we may be alone. Our brain tricks us into thinking that we are better off dead, but those are lies.  There are days when the darkness may seem unbearable. Try to look at the good things in your life. I know when I look at my family, my kids, my husband, those feelings of being a failure disappear. Your family loves you and needs you.  

Depression.  What is it and why do I suffer from it?  I've asked this question to myself many years ago when the tiredness came and never went away.  It stayed for weeks at a time.  I did everything I could to make it disappear.  I ate healthy. I ran. I even changed my eating habits and went gluten free.  I juiced. I went vegan for a short time. I tried just about everything.  

I prayed everyday that God would take it away from me. Later on I read that Paul, an apostle of the Lord Jesus suffered depression.  Paul who had his share of sufferings and anguish, was still found rejoicing.  His hope was in the Lord Jesus.  If  Paul who was a servant of the Lord didn't get healed from his depression, then why would he heal me?  I realize that in this world we will have many tribulations and suffering, but that our Hope is in the Lord Jesus.  

So, what about religion?  What does that have to do with depression?

Religion is what saved me. Religion is what continues to save me. Having a connection with God makes me have hope in something. Having a support system of church members can be beneficial when you are having those bad days. Going to church, listening to the music is uplifting. Prayer and reading the Bible everyday has helped me see that I'm not alone in my suffering. As I mentioned above, Paul suffered many mental health issues and there are many more recordings of suffering in the Bible. Another example is Job.  

Lovegodgreatly.com has individual or group online bible studies.  May 1st will be the beginning of a series of 4-6 weeks on the study of Ruth. 

So I've also talked extensively on how running has helped me. I'm also going to list a few supplements as well.  

One of the supplements I take is because I have a Mthfr gene mutation that was detected before the birth of my 4th child Hazel.  There is an estimated 30-50% of the human population that has this genetic deficiency and doesn't even know it.  The fetal maternal specialist that was caring for me during my pregnancy tested me for this because of the difficult pregnancies I had with Zach and Emily.  I also was found to have a blood clotting disorder as well. 

You can read more about it here. It's too much information to blog about. If you suspect you have it, ask your doctor to test you.

https://mthfrgenehealth.com

Supplements:

Only take this if you have the MtHF gene mutation

I take the Junior version because of the taste. They are available in lemon and berry.

Gluten-Free Diet

A gluten-free diet is a diet that excluded the protein gluten. Gluten is found in grains such as wheat, barley, rye and a cross between wheat and rye called triticale.
A gluten-free diet isn't for everyone. It is used primarily to treat celiac disease. Gluten causes inflammation in the small intestines of people with this disease.
I do not have celiac disease. My primary reason for this diet is to help reduce the inflammation in my body that comes from my Mthfr gene mutation that makes it difficult for my body to detoxify.  There are many benefits such that I have experienced, reduction in headaches, bloating and reducing my fatigue. My children also benefit from this diet as well. Emily suffers from eczema and it has greatly reduced the number of breakouts she has had over the last 9 years.
Be aware that starting a gluten-free diet, that you may lack some minerals and vitamins that come from gluten.  Start off by eliminating one item and then see if it has any benefits to your health. I  mentioned my gluten-free diet to a nurse who was suffering from migraine headaches.  A week later, after eliminating bread (she was a big bread eater), her migraine headaches disappeared.

Rest

Yes, I said it. REST. There will be days when you don't want to get up and the fatigue starts to creep in. Give yourself a day of rest. We are not robots. We need a day off.

Hobbies

Sewing has been my passion.  Find something that interests you.  Take a class. I offer free sewing classes at the Leander Public Library. Come join me!

Friends/Support System

It's better with two.  Invite a friend out for lunch. What about a play date with your kiddos?  I know it can be difficult when you suffer from anxiety as well.  Friends help each other. Friends make the world a better place.

Therapy

What? I'm not crazy!!! Who needs a therapist? I don't need someone to talk to, I have my kids, my husband. I have God.

Yup, this was me. I completed a year of therapy and it saved my life.  Talking to someone that doesn't see you but only once a week helps you to open up about any stressors you might be having. I talk to David ( my husband) all the time. But when I opened up to my therapist it was different, she had a different perspective and she was able to help navigate me through the difficult times in my life.


So, there you go!!  Go out there and make a difference in this world. Most of the people that I have encountered that suffer from depression are so awesome that you wouldn't even know that they suffer from it unless they open up and tell you.  Let us support each other.  Mental health has such a bad stigma that if you say you are depressed you are considered weak.  I am not a weak person. I am the strongest person you will ever meet. Don't look down on others who suffer. And when someone is going through a hard day/moment, pray for them. Offer your time and have lunch with them.

One of my favorite songs about depression. 

With God's Love Always, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free, 
Jennifer 

The truth behind depression

Last night I went to bed feeling bad about my weight.  In my head I tried to figure out all the ways I would lose the last 30 pounds that my body has absorbed since the birth of Hazel.  No matter how many miles I run, no matter how healthy I eat, my body is stuck and it will not let me back into my size 4 jeans that would curve my small, tiny body.  Instead, my body is a size 10.  It has curves that never existed before, it also did not have a small tiny scar below my navel that would remind me that this last pregnancy was one that almost killed me.  My body won't squeeze into a size 8, no matter how hard I try.  And yes, that dress was so adorable, and yes it would have been great to wear, but no matter what, it did not fit. End of story.

Today my body would not wake up. It simply was not going to function today. I so desperately wanted to go to church today.  No seeing the kids wave Palm branches into the air, no Easter egg hunt for Hazel, no going out to eat after wards.  No perfect day for me. Instead my mind fought with my body to just get up. I could hear God tell me that he loves me no matter what and that my life matters. When the pain comes, it consumes not only your body, but your mind. It reminds you of all your past failures. It's there to tell you that you are better off dead. Then, I hear God again reminding me how much I matter and that he loves me.  I am then consumed with a peace that makes me get out of bed.  The sickness I feel makes me want to just sleep. It makes you want to forget about the world.  It tells you to sleep.  It commands it of you.  It doesn't care if you're having a great couple of weeks or months. It comes when it wants to.  It sneaks up on you.

Today I did not let the sickness consume me.  I will not lose this battle.  I will get up and run. And running is what I did.  I ran until the thoughts no longer consumed me. I ran until my legs hurt. I ran with Clutch blazing in my ears.  I run because my life depends on it. I then came home to my beautiful family and was reminded again for the millionth time that I am blessed beyond measure.

Emily and I  5 years ago

I have clean hands!

My run today. 

With God by my side,

 I will be victorious. 

Everyday is a struggle. 

I will not give up.

Until Next Time, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free,
Jennifer