This must be the place

Today ends the long worn out week that I've had. It's the end and the beginning of something so beautiful that my heart aches.  They say that  fear of the unknown is human nature.  It's that same fear that takes a hold of us and forces us to continue the same old path that we've been accustomed to. My two fears in life have been Death and Life.  Death is inevitable. Everyone fears it. I almost made it there, but I'm excited to say that I have overcame death twice and that my goal is to stay alive. The second fear I have is Life. During the past two years I've feared life itself.  It's a constant struggle to live and I'm not talking about depression.  God healed me of my depression. I'm talking about the fear of not providing enough for my family:  a home, a place of rest is where I want to be.  

Home is where I want to be.  

It's also the place where you make memories. A place where you rest. A place where you build a family so strong that it conquers the world.  And even though we are in a temporary place, I feel that we are stronger because of our struggles.  Tomorrow will be the beginning of struggle to find peace in my profession. A new beginning into caring for others in a way that I wish others would have cared for me when I was suffering from my postpartum depression.  It's where I need to be.

Thursday will be a day that will also come too soon. A day that I will have etched in my heart with the memory of saying goodbye to my first born son. A day of mourning. A day of joy. A day that my son will face the same fear I have: fear of the unknown.  A  day he will proudly serve our country so that he can have a future. A day that I never knew would come. A day that comes too soon.  

But with new beginnings there's a certainty that always comes when we believe in our creator. It's the certainty of a God that promises to never leave us or forsake us. A God who takes that fear and slowly changes it into a strong faith that will sustain us throughout our course. 

Home is where I want to be.  

But I guess I'm already there

Corpus Christi. 2001

DJ,

I'm gonna miss you boy. I'm gonna miss that big smile of yours. The kind heart you have. The joy you bring.  I am so proud of you.  Thank you for being you.  Because without you I would fall apart.

Mom

Kat, 

You are the other half of DJ that we are going to miss so much. From the moment we met you, we knew that you belonged in our family.  We will see each other soon.  We love you. 

Jennifer