Speak Life

I love my Mom. Many years ago, my mom struggled with a failed marriage, two kids who were in prison and a unforeseen future.  You  can say that my mom has been through the gates of hell and back. She has been in the pit of despair. She has seen evil. She has witnessed grief alongside with the loss of a husband and  two of her children who would be locked up behind bars.  Many of the conversations I had with my mother were those of hopelessness and despair. I  could picture her on the other end of the phone, tears streaming down her face.  Her heart was broken beyond repair.  The years passed. She raised two of her grand-kids, traveled every weekend to see her two children who were behind bars and worked to support not only herself, but her grand-kids as well.  The pain was still there. The hurt and brokenness she experienced was still lingering there.  Jesus was her only hope. He was there alongside everything she was experiencing.  He comforted her when no one in the world could.  She clung on to the promises of God. One particular saying that I love is the one below. My mom will pray this with me.  I now recite it to myself when I feel overwhelmed by the world. 

You are the child of the most high God

You are Blessed You are strong

No weapon formed against you shall prosper

I call you Blessed, Healed and Delivered

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This particular saying made me think that we have the power to speak death and life into our lives.  When I talk about my postpartum depression I do so that it helps me to write down what I'm going through.  I have a great support system in my life. Depression is something few people want to talk about.  When you hear the word, it doesn't sound nice or appealing. It speaks of death, of hopelessness. It speaks that we are sick. A sickness that no one wants.  We want Joy. We want happiness. But how are we to achieve the happiness that we all desperately yearn for when our mind tells us otherwise. I see it as a mind over body battle.  In my journey I have healed myself with choosing to speak life into my life.  When I wake up, I chose to have a good day. I declare it. I say it in my head.  I tell my mind that this is what I want today.  We all have different battles/demons we face, but we are children of a great and powerful God that gives us the ability to heal within ourselves. We can live our lives in despair, grief and fear.  Or we can live our lives in a way that replaces all those negative feelings with hope and love.  It is in these moments in our lives that help us to remember that through the dark times, there will always be a light at the end waiting there for us. Whether it be a family member, a friend, a coworker or a therapist, there is always someone in our lives that speaks life into our despair.  These people have the power to heal us in so many ways.  For me, my mom, my husband, my therapist, my family and my friends remind me that I am stronger than what I think I am.

Today I visited with my therapist for the last time. We've seen each other for a year now.  She would always remind me to take time out for myself.  In her eyes I was resilient, resourceful and one very talented seamstress.  I told her today that its hard for me to speak these wonderful words into my life.  At the end of our session I asked her what areas do I need to continue to work on.  She told me two areas where

1. better communication with David, my husband
2. speaking positive words about myself.

This is where I was reminded again that we have the ability to speak life into our lives.  Yes, I've been diagnosed with postpartum depression, but that doesn't define who I am. I live with this and yes, I've made great improvements in my life. But I can speak wonderful words of encouragement in my life or I can speak death into it.
I can speak of all the areas of improvement I have made or I can reminisce on all the things that I haven't been able to change.  I can be thankful for the life I lived before I had Hazel and see this new journey with her as  a blessing.  I can wake up everyday and chose to have a great day. So as I finish the rest of my week, I will be using positive affirmations.  Find one that you like and write it down. Say it to yourself. Remind yourself that you are Awesome and that you are a child of God.

Until Next Time, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free, 
Jennifer