Hazel

 A couple of days ago I was looking at pictures of newborns. Big newborns compared to my little Hazel.  I almost thought they were a couple of months old, but nope, they were just a few days old.  When I hold Hazel, its like holding a little doll. She wears preemie clothes and can be wrapped up like a little burrito. I then asked God why aren't life events ever normal for me.  I've endured two early pregnancies with Zachary and Emily and now Hazel.  I remember the hospital stays, the sleepless nights wondering if my kids were going to turn out okay. Why wasn't my pregnancy normal?  Why did I develop severe preclampsia when I was seeing a specialist, an OB and a nurse once a week?  What went wrong?  Or in my case, "What went right?"

Hazel has been my unexpected miracle.  She was not ready at that moment to come into this world, but by her birth, she saved my life. Unexpected miracles are God's way of saying that, in the midst of the storm, where circumstances do not change and everything else that is going on around you doesn't go as planned.  He tenderly says to  you. "I'm going to make you strong."  You can cry and plead to him to make things go your way, but nope, they don't and that's when you need to trust that he is preparing you for a greater purpose in life. 

I remember my sister visiting me in the hospital when I developed the preclampsia.  She pretty much was in shock to see me so swollen.  The day I had my emergency c-section was the day I called my mom and told her I wasn't feeling well.  Hazel was not ready to come into this world.  She was healthy.  I was so sick that in a matter of minutes I was rushed into surgery.  There was a peace that overcame me during this time,  I knew God was by my side.  And he was because months before, there was death calling my name.  In my dream, I could see David holding Hazel.  There was sadness.  I died during birth.  The next morning after my dream I told David.  We decided to pray.  I pleaded for God to keep me alive. I'm not ready to go. God, please keep me here on Earth just a little bit longer.  

Well, as you can see, I didn't die.  For 4 weeks following Hazel's birth, I visited her in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit.  We finally brought her home on May 26, 2016.  There are many sleepless nights where the world stands still and all that matters is this little miracle that for years will continue to save me from myself.   

I wrote this on 05/03/2016, I never published it. Hazel is 9 months old now and still continues to save me. 

Until Next Time, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-free, 
Jennifer