My old friend is back again.

Sometimes it feels as if someone is sitting on my shoulders. Sometimes it feels like an immense pain I feel throughout my body which forces me to lay still in my bed and think of all my past failures. Sometimes I sleep but wake up constantly because I can longer rest. Restless feeling it seems.  Running lessens the pain. It numbs the feelings of despair and hopelessness I feel.

My old friend is back again.  I keep busy by going grocery shopping today. I make chicken burgers that Zach says taste better than Chick fla.  That kid is an angel.  He gives me hugs constantly throughout the day and tells me that I'm the best Mom ever. I always tell everyone that God gave me the most happiest babies when I had Zachary and Hazel.  Even though Zachs no longer a baby, he's 15 now. He constantly gives me hugs and love. Hazel wakes up everyday with a smile on her face.  I guess if your going to have Postpartum Depression then God better give you happy babies so you can get through it.  Hazel has been my healing. The very thing that caused my depression to get worse actually is saving me.  She is such a blessing to all of us.

I wake up every morning to this beautiful smile.  

As far as my therapy has been going, I'm doing great.  In fact on Tuesday my therapist delivered the news that I would no longer be seeing her.  It's been a year, I know but I thought I would be seeing her until the day I die.  When you've poured out your heart and soul to a complete stranger and now you have to start all over again with another counselor, well, it's hard.  She went on to explain that I don't need intensive services anymore so a counselor would do just fine.  My heart broke. Nervous ticks started to creep into my body.  She sensed it.  Immediately she started telling me why I needed to move on. 

1) I am resourceful.

2) Even though I'm not on medication, I seem to be doing well with coping with my depression.

3) She remembers the day I told her that I wanted to do the things I used to do like sewing and running.  At the time I didn't know where to start.  She said,"Well, get you a sewing machine."  And that's exactly what I did.  I started sewing making baby bibs. (Follow me on Instagram: JennieSews for updates on my sewing)

4) I'm running again. Even though sometimes I can only run 2 times a week. I'm running. I'm running!!!!!!!!!!

(Follow me on DailyMile)

Depression isn't something you pray away or tell your brain to snap out of it.  It's there.  It's a part of you.  It tries to control you. It steals your joy.  I'ts physical aches and pains.  It's there and the only cure you have is to take medication or to just deal with it.  Well, I've tried both, medication and just dealing with it.  Now I'm on the just deal with it aspect of it.  Sometimes I just want to be on the medication, but I suffer terribly from the side effects.  It gives me great anxiety that makes me want to crawl out of my skin.  

Running, Yoga and eating healthy do help, but it takes much more than that.  It takes knowing a Great and Wonderful God who comforts and heals my soul.

For it is by Grace you have been saved, through Faith
Ephesians 2:8

It is the Gift of God,

Until Next Time,
Eat Organic,
Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer