Hello, how are you?

Hello, it's me

I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet

To go over everything

They say that time's supposed to heal ya

But I ain't done much healing

In fact I've wondered where you were at?  Did I bury you so deep that after all the years you had to make your way back into my life?  I don't know if I want to see you again.  Yesterday I tried to get rid of you.  It didn't seem to help.  Then the crying came again. I surprised myself when I ran 3 miles with tears streaming down my face. Why now?  Why come at the greatest time of my life?  Come, on now, I just had a beautiful baby? Let me enjoy her for awhile before you come back and suck the life out of me again. Please go away. I think we should talk about this. Lets start now, 

Lets go over everything.  

I always thought it was a spiritual battle. You know, I'm not praying enough for you to go away or I haven't given everything over completely to God. That's such BS these days.  I always thought I wasn't strong enough.  Am I not running enough?  Eating enough healthy food?  Eliminating all the Gluten in my diet?  Some days it feels as if someone is pulling me down. Some days I'm on top of the world and want to just be Happy.  Why do you have to come and steal my joy?  Won't you just go bury yourself again for the next 9 years and come back then?  

Today Hazel turn 3 months so I'm going to take her a bath, dress her up and take photos of her so I can remember what she looked like at this age.  Then I'm going to finish listening to Adele.  

This is what You look like. 

 You used to be just Depression but now you have a new name:

Postpartum Depression. 

Hello, how are you?

It's so typical of me to talk about myself I'm sorry
I hope that you're well

Jennifer

Everything Has Its Time

If you would have asked me last year what I would be doing this time of year, my answer would be running, working and homeschooling the kids.  Since the kids are at an appropriate age where we no longer have to change diapers or run around the house like crazy chasing them down for bathes, we thought we were done with having kids.  If you would have asked us 5 years ago if we wanted any additional kids my answer would be yes. David's would be "Umm, Nope."  And of course the kids would have their say and the answer would be in agreement with their dad's.  But, I longed for a baby.  I even had dreams of babies in my head. I thought of creating a baby registry, buying a jogging stroller and having my baby wrapped in a 58 inch sling that would bring comfort to both of us.  The years passed. And they passed very fast.  The longing was still in my heart, but I gave up.  

Every action has an appointed time. 

Our timing is not our timing, but God's.  The creator who sets life into motion and who tells the stars when to rise and the sun when to rise and when to set, has a timetable of events that we can accept or we can be crushed by it.  I've accepted a season in my life where I am creating life. 

 In Ecclesiastes 3:1

A Time to be born

A time to die;

The verse goes on to tell us that everything that God has ordained:  Birth and death, sowing and harvesting, weeping and laughing, mourning and dancing, speaking and keeping silent, and war and peace are common occurrences in life.  We mist fit this all into his plan and will for our lives. 

 Have you accepted your season in Your Life? 

Here is the entire verse:

To everything there is  a season, 

A time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born,

A time to die,

A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted, 

A time to kill, 

And a time to heal;

A time to break down, 

And a time to build up, 

A time to weep,

And a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, 

And a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones,

And a time to gather stones, 

A time to embrace,

And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to gain, 

And a time to lose;

A time to keep, 

And a time to throw away;

A time to tear, 

And a time to sew;

A time to love,

And a time to hate;

A time of war, 

And a time of peace.

Are you in a season of birth like I am?  Or are you in a season of death?  Is there life being created in you or are you seeing a loved one passing on from this life to another?  It goes on to tell us that everything has it's time.  Maybe you are in a time of losing a love? Are you in a season of love?  What about a season of hate?  Or maybe you are in a season of financial difficulties and you don't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Rest assure that we all go through these seasons in our lives.  If we didn't, our lives would all look the same.  They don't because God has an appointed time for every activity. My time you see if creating life.  A season of rest as well.  I may look at others who are enjoying their lives with various activities to include going to the movies, hiking, taking trips and trying fun, new things in their lives and long for those things right now. But, I don't.  I'm not in that season right now. Does it make me sad?  Nope. I'm resting. I take naps. I eat to sustain a life in me, not for enjoyment. You may be eating for enjoyment, fellowship and creating new memories in your life.  I on the other hand am trying to create life.  

Each season we go through is preparing us for the days ahead. 

 My season is preparing me for the days ahead when I can no longer sleep like there is no tomorrow.  Instead of the peaceful 8-10 sleeping nights for me, there will be numerous night time feeding and diaper changes that will disrupt my beauty sleep.  There will be joy when Hazel Alana comes.  But rest is what I need at this time. 

 Each season will end. And when it does, we must trust God and all the plans he has for our lives. 

There will be a season when I will no longer be creating life, but I will be building it up.  

Embrace each season in your life.  Every activity has its proper times as ordained by God.  

Again, if you would have asked me what I would be doing this time of year, well, its the same answer:

Running.  And running is what I did today, I had Hazel with me, so it made it much more enjoyable.

And Oh, the stories I will tell her of our runs together while in the womb.

We did almost 5 miles today!!!

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

Friends

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Vegan cinnamon and peach pancakes.  Yup, I say, that's what I want.  

"I'm craving pancakes, I've been thinking about them since yesterday." says Marlene. 

 "Me too!!!" I reply.

 I almost was just going to go into the restaurant by myself and order a full stack of pancakes, but I figured she was running late. Left my phone at home and had no idea that she was just tied up because a friend of hers had no babysitter and needed her to watch her 1 year old little girl.  

My baby girl on the other hand was getting pretty upset and anxious that it was already 10:22 a.m. and she hadn't had one single taste of food.  Those pregnancy hormones almost kicked in, just at the moment she drove up to our favorite place to eat:  Kirby Lane. It's been a while since I had a sit down meal/conversation with a friend.  

Last year was a very hard year for me as I battled severe depression and I distanced myself from many friends.  I sure do love all the friendships that I have created over the past few years and each friendship is special and very unique to me. Each friend of mine brings something that I need in my life.  Marlene, my friend, brings me Hope. 

Having lost her husband 2 years ago, she is as strong as the first day I met her in 2008.  A runner, a full-time health care worker and soon to be a full-time student, she battled so many hardships in her life.  The most devastating was when she lost the love of her life.  We talk about him on our breakfast dates, her kids and what amazes me the most is that she hasn't given up.  I always think about my life and if this ever happened to me, that I wonder if I would be as strong as her.  We met today because in a week she will be starting school for her nursing degree.  I listen as she tells me all she's going to do.  

School. Work. Kids. The list goes on. 

Then I look over at my belly and see that I am going to have some changes in my life.

Am I ready? What obstacles will I encounter?  Will I see each new day as a blessing and move forward? 

I believe we fear the unknown.  But how are we going to grow as individuals if we don't venture out into the unknown.  I fear many things.  The birth. The labor.  My depression getting worse. 

 Fear tends to take a tight hold on us.  Meeting with my friend today made me less fearful. It made me believe in myself.  That I too am strong enough to overcome any obstacle.  

My new philosophy should be this "If Marlene can overcome it, I can too."   

Running is what we do best!  

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes

Ch-ch-ch-ch changes

Strange fascination, fascinating me

Changes are taking the pace

I'm going through

(If you didn't know, this was borrowed from David Bowie)

I was about 8 or 10 weeks here. 

Changes are happening all around me and through me.  18 weeks now carrying another human life force has caused me to see life so differently now.  What once was urgent as running everyday has now turned into a slow pace for me.  I run with determination now.  No longer able to run 6 or 8 miles or even 10, my only goal is to make it to 4.  What once was an exercise I did to stay in my size 4 jeans, now I exercise so that I can make it through the labor in June.  As I said before, having a baby is the hardest thing a women will ever do in her life, but harder when you see so many changes happening in your body.  

A coworker of mine is having a baby boy. We are exactly the same weeks into our pregnancy.  I feel like a whale at times when I stand next to her, but then realize that we were both created differently.  I told David that the other day she told me about this cool belly band you can get at the store to hold up your jeans.  Wow! I thought, I need that.  Funny thing is she was talking about her pre-pregnancy pants. Ha!! Mine are in storage at the moment.  I have to buy new clothes every month.  And I mean every month like clock work.   I have no skinny part left in me.  Those size 4 jeans will be tucked away in storage until I can lose the baby weight afterwards.  And even if I don't, it's okay. 

You see, pregnant women out there, We need to be proud of our bodies.  Big or small.  I need to stop telling myself that I am fat. I'm Pregnant.  As I ran today, I looked down at my belly and smiled.  I'm carrying the most precious gift ever.  This will be the last time I will carry another bundle of joy. 

Jennifer, I said to myself, "Embrace it!"

And that's exactly what I need to do.  Here's to Changes!!!!!

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

18 weeks 3 days

God, You're my Deliverer

"Discover the side effects. Don't research them."
Clever 14 year old named Zach

It's always kids and their smart sayings that put things in perspective for us adults.  Which I have found very helpful during the times when my doctor wanted to put me on a medication and I would have such anxiety that all I would do was sit on my couch at home and spend hours looking up blogs/research/reviews on the medication.  As Zach told me, he said I shouldn't worry too much about what the reviews or information that was provided said, but to experience those side effects as they came along.  

Yesterday the nurse gave me my first injection of Progesterone.  Progesterone is a hormone that is commonly used for infertility, ovarian cysts and endometrial cancer.  It is a hormone that is released by the ovaries and occurs naturally in the body.  Its role is to regulate ovulation and menstruation. 

Progesterone for preterm labor which is why I'm receiving it is  the 17P Alpha Hydroxy. 

Women with a history of preterm labor (like myself) can reduce the risk of recurrent preterm birth. Those like myself have had a history of at least one prior spontaneous preterm delivery.

I've had 2.  Zach was born at 32 weeks. He weighed 5lbs 6oz.  Emily was the second. She weighed 6lbs 8oz and was born at 36 weeks. 

Having a baby born early creates in you fear that your new bundle of joy will grow up with a number of health problems.  Technology and advances in medicine today provide infants who are born premature with a really big chance that they will not develop any developmental delays.  Zach was born at 32 weeks and was hospitalized for 2 weeks and then sent home.  As of today, he is 14 years old and has had some speech developmental delay growing up, but he has had no neurological/or physical delays.   He's one normal kid (he's a second degree (senior) black belt).

Emily had no developmental or neurological delays.  She's always used more of the right side of her brain and that's what makes her a great artist. 

Which with baby number 4, we will trust that the injections I will be receiving weekly will help prevent her from coming too soon.  

Honestly, I'm miserable and my first injection has created such tiredness and lethargy.  These are the side effects and I have to experience them for myself.  Creating another human being is the hardest thing a woman will do in her life, but I rest in the assurance that God will deliver me through all my fears, anxieties and worries.  

My song right now is "God You're my Deliverer", by Matt Maher.  

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer

17 weeks 3 days

Already? New Year's Eve!

"What are you doing this morning?" Emily.  "I'm blogging," She then runs away.
Meanwhile, the 14 year old is still in bed, the hubby has his astronaut mask on and hasn't come out of REM, the cat just threw up on the chair, spilled over the chickens yogurt, all while the chicken is pecking to try to take off her diaper so she can poop all over the floor.  Poor Nibbler is somewhere. He's so old that someone has to pick him up off our bed and lower him down to the floor.  He's probably still sleeping as well.

I'm wondering what to do with today since its New Year's Eve and everyone in the entire world except me has plans.  Seriously, my plan was to stay in bed all day and read books, but the laundry still needs to be done and of course we need to eat.  It would be nice if I could afford to buy some already made tacos and then get coffee from Starbucks, but I cant.  D.J., the oldest of the clan has been preaching to me constantly that we need to save money for the baby.  The kid is only 19 and he lives on his own.  Really, he uses public transportation everywhere he goes, he works, pays for his own apartment and lives the life of a single kid in Austin.

Does anyone want to babysit a chicken? We will pay you. 

Which brings me to the new year and things I need to work on.  I'm sure I can make a list somewhere and put all my goals/baby steps I need to work on.  But I'm too tired right now and the baby is hungry.  "Kids?  Anyone want Torchey's Tacos?  Just kidding.

I pray you have a wonderful day. A peaceful New Year's celebration.  Take it easy, it's just another year, You've Got This!

Books I wish I could read today.

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free,

 Jennifer

I'm Pregnant

I'm pregnant.  I waited 4 weeks to announce this.  

The plan was to wait till Thanksgiving to announce it to everyone, but with my growing belly it was nearly impossible.  The thought of someone seeing me running on the road with my big belly made me think that it was time to spill the beans.  David was just as nervous as I was.  We planned for years for another baby and like I've always trusted that God's timing is not our timing.  My longing for a baby made me jealous at others, it made me sad, but I held on to the belief that God was always in control.   D.J., my oldest can't fathom the idea of having a brother at 19 and the kids of course are not happy.  Although, Emily has been rubbing my belly lately.  Zach tells me to stop sticking my stomach out which I reply with, "I can't, and "Behave!!, There's a baby in my belly!" Which he then responds back with,"It's not a baby yet."  Which then I show him this picture of a 2 month old fetus. 

Believe me, we have had numerous talks about if it were twins and then we try to think of a noble person that we can give the other baby away to.  Someone who really deserves a baby.

I wasn't very fond of having to go buy maternity clothes either and  at 1 month. I sure don't feel comfortable walking around at 2 months with a belly, let alone 9 whole months. Geez!

Running has been a chore. It's like being at Six Flags all day with your kids and you finally get to come home and rest. Well, the coming home resting feeling is how I feel everyday when I wake up.  Daytime sleepiness is equivalent to a normal persons 5 hour sleep.  That my friends is my nap.  And sleeping isn't the only thing that makes a baby grow, add food to that equation.  My stomach rumbles at the sound of the morning alarm.  It waits till its daylight so that I can shuffle my way into the kitchen and eat a bowl of sugar (I mean cereal).  It's a joyous time I know.  I'll have baby #4 stretch marks to prove it.   I'm excited. I'm thankful. But even more thankful that my new maternity clothes for running came in today.  Bummer that its raining.  David kinda has to keep an eye on me and he said, "No running in the rain."  Okay, now, baby safety is #1.

If you see me in my Candy Stripe skirt while I'm running on the road, Please wave and Smile.

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free,

Jennifer

This Morning

Woke up this morning, found a love light in the storm

Looked up this morning, saw the roses full of thorns

Guns are falling, they don't have nowhere to go
Oceans of diamonds always shine, smooth out below

Can we start it all over again, this morning?
I lost all my defenses, this morning
Won't you show me the way it used to be?
Beck: Morning Lyrics

Won't you show me the way it used to be?  

I love the lyrics to Beck's album Morning Phase, particularly this song which has brought so much clarity this morning as I prepared for David to come home from his hospital stay.  As a follower of Christ, when I gave my life to the creator, I consumed myself in Christian music. At that moment in my life I needed those uplifting words of hope and encouragement. Sometimes I'd switch the radio station back and forth and go back to a favorite christian song of mine.  Those are the times I'm consumed in an overwhelming deep sadness or frustration with the world. Sometimes it will be Mumford and Sons and if I'm ready to wake up to this world, its Alabama Shakes. 

 Oh, how I startle the kids when I play "Don't Wanna Fight No More."

  I haven't always been accepting of mainstream music.  During my darkest times of my depression mainstream music helped me. It spoke to me.  Songs like Morning helped me when I would wake up in the morning and just completely lose it.  Others like, Mountain Goats, where he talks about stabbing someone in the eye with a foreign object, helped me get through my anger.  No, seriously, I would never do that, but its a funny song.  The whole album is about wrestling and thats what the song is about.  When David and I saw them in concert, I cried.  The lyrics helped me understand the artist, to know that he experiences pain and sadness like I do and that in the midst of everything, all we want is to feel love and happiness.  The Mountain Goats are truly amazing. 

 Later that week, we all enjoyed The Legend of Zelda Symphony.  As a mom, I love doing things that my children love to do, even though I don't play the games.  Boy did I learn alot!!!  There were scenes from the games where I cried.  Games inspire the beauty of love and I saw that with Link and Zelda.  I also saw it with the way Link was battling the forces of evil.  Truly inspiring.  Made me want to go out and play all the Legend of Zelda games.  HA!!! We will see if that ever happens.  

David is a bit sad that we are missing MeWithoutYou.  We had tickets to see the show tonight, but are unable to go.  Of course, I told David he could wear an adult diaper and I could wheel him around in the wheelchair, but we forgot we have kids, a pet chicken and a dog.  So, we will wallow in our sadness and hope to make it to next years concert.

I will share with you some music, Don't get alarmed or startled over the Foreign Object song. It's just a song and its catchy. But, please don't ever stab someone in the eye with a foreign object.
It's not nice. You don't want to get arrested and you don't want that person suffering from blindness or worse the Emergency room visit they will endure.  Believe me, I was there Sunday and after they gave me Morphine, Benadryl and Zofran, I get a $5,000.00 bill.  Geez, they don't even wait till you get out of the room.  And your pretty much drugged up so you don't know what's going on.  At least they wheeled me up to ICU to be with David:  that was nice of them.
Oh, I better check, they probably charged me for that.  

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free,

Jennifer

And I think my life is hard

I'm driving. I'm crying. I'm trying not to just let this incident ruin my day. All I can think of is the money that they will be withdrawing from my account because PayPal withdrew a payment I authorized from the wrong account. I go on to tell David that this had been the worst week of my life. As I'm ranting, he's trying to recover from fixing our washer that just broke. "It won't spin." I scream from the garage, yes, I like to scream. Who doesn't? Knowing that no one can hear me as I'm screaming from two bedrooms down like everyone just waits to hear me speak. I think it gives me pleasure, you know those of us who scream just want attention. I want attention. I always do. I'll be two bedrooms down screaming for someone to bring me a towel because somehow I forgot I was going to get wet and needed to dry myself with something called a towel. 

So, my hubby was attempting to fix the washer that wouldn't spin. There literally was 3 huge blankets in the middle of a rinse when it just stopped and decided it wasn't going to spin them dry. First instinct: wring them out (seriously like it would have helped). I wanted to just toss all those blankets in the dryer. Great thinking Jennifer. You sure are a genius. 

David is on the other line exhausted from trying to fix the non-spinning washer. Meanwhile I'm on the other line ranting about how hard my life is.  

He then tells me, "you're alive, right?" 

Yes, I squeak like a pathetic mouse who is just spoiled. That's it, I'm spoiled. 

"You don't have a disease, he continues. You're healthy. These are material things that can be fixed."

David is the voice of Jesus.

 

Yes, I say, then I add, "I hate my life!!!"

At about that time I need to get off the phone and hurry up to make it to my 3pm shift. I work 3pm-11pm tonight and afterwards I will be one of those game geeks (no offense) that stands in line for hours (8 to be exact) to get the Limited Edition Majora's Mask.  Yes, I know, I'm addicted to games. No, it's not for me, I'm only kidding. It's for my crazy Legend of Zelda fans (kids) who are dying to get a copy of the limited edition that includes a figurine. I agreed to take them weeks ago, not sure if I was in my right mind, but I agreed and said I would take them. May God be with us as we venture into the geek world of gamers. 

Emily already picked out her drawing for art class tomorrow. Guess what? 

It's Legend of Zelda. Go figure. 

 I try to put on a fake smile. I walk into the facility and decide that these brain injury clients don't need a grumpy nurse handing them medications.  I mean come on, they struggle every freakin day to walk, talk, work, and I can't even smile. I'm pathetic. I try. 

I'm trying to pray as well. Then this client who's not even apart of the program walks in with his fingers all smashed up.  He's been waiting all morning for a nurse to look at his hand. I get there at 3pm. God knows how long he's been waiting. Poor soul.  He's technically not in the program. Yes, he's had some sort of brain injury, but he resides on the grounds and doesn't get our services. He tells me how he fell on his hand. It's red/swollen and he can't bend his fingers. A non-medical personnel examined his hand and told him to go to the nurses station so she could look at it. Great job, no-medical personnel, because unless you went to medical school or endured the most torturous nursing program and graduated and became a nurse, then you should NEVER examine anyone else's body part and say, "I don't think you broke it."

The client then goes on to tell me he's had over 100 seizures in a year and that he has a high pain tolerance level. And then he tells me the story about someone running over his foot with their car and he never felt it.  Yikes!!!!!!

I recommend he goes to the nearest Emergency room or med clinic. Then he tells me how if he goes he has to drop off his dog at the nearby doggy daycare. Then he needs to see the bus schedule, look in the phone book for the nearest med clinic or ER. 

All the while he's standing there holding his undiagnosed broken finger/fingers. 

And my jaw drops to the floor and I feel really shitty and I stop and tell God I'm sorry for being such an ass. I'm sorry for complaining. I'm sorry for being angry. 

I realize I'm human and that God loves imperfect people who use words like ass and shitty in their blog. 

I'm like seriously, this dude has to do all that. 

Do Everything without Complaining

I've decided that I'm going to take the "I'm so busy today, I don't know if  I'm coming or going" days as a sign that I have a good and wholesome life. Today was just one of those days where all I wanted to be was in my comfy spot with my heated blanket, my cup of coffee and my Bible.
I was far away from my comfort spot, standing in line at Costco paying for groceries, going to Target for prescriptions, going to get my TB test done, taking Zach to his private English lessons with Marie, going to the Dollar Tree, Fed-EX, Chick-Fla (free coffee) and to the post office.

I'm exhausted writing down everywhere I went.  I felt like my brain was on fire.  The kids didn't do school of course, although I could have told them to read while we were driving around, but that's torture.  So, instead I bribed them with $10.00 each if they read for 30 minutes and did math. Zach took the deal. Emily just rambled on about next month being her B-day, which she didn't have to do. So, I guess she didn't need the money.

Nurse called and David's Vit D level is low, so another trip to Target tomorrow to get the goods. Finished taking some long tests for work (annual thing) and was thinking how great it is to not be in school.  Although, I have been thinking about going back.  Praying for now.  So, what was your day filled with?

I'm thankful that I got so much done, but feel like I need to go run some more.  5 miles this morning wasn't enough.  Thankful that I met a human being on my run that really inspired me.  As you know, I always run and if I see someone walking, I share the gospel with him/her. Last week it was Whitney.  I told her that God loved her and she gave me the biggest hug ever.  Today was Jason and he was from out of town. He was looking for somewhere to eat. I directed him to McDonald's, where I just had a free cup of coffee (only on Mondays during breakfast hours).

Busy.  Thankful.  I love my Life.

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free, Meat-Free


Jennifer 

Give a Helping Hand

Life hasn't been nice to me this week. In fact, the other day I walked out the door and told David that I hated my life.  "What in the world is wrong with you Jennifer? " that was me questioning myself as I drove down the highway headed for work. 

"I hate the drive." "I hate that I have to work, why can't I just be a stay at home mom?" "Why can't I just stay home and sew and bake and homeschool the kids?"

That was me. I sounded like a 2 year old who was told they couldn't have candy before supper. 

I made myself sick that I had an anxiety attack and had to come back home. 

Do you ever have those, "Why me?" "Why can't my life be perfect kind of days?" "Weeks?"

Mine turned into a whole week. A a whole week of not reading my Bible. 

A whole week of feeling sorry for myself and hating my life. 

I just gave the devil a great time by the way I behaved. And all along, God kept reminding me that he loved me. He kept telling me that Life isn't fair, but that he would never leave me. He kept trying to point out the good things in my life. 

                            Thing is I just kept distancing away from him even more. 

It wasn't until Friday that I took my 18 year old to get his ID. We talked on our way there and back and as always he asks me where I'm working and if I like it. I'm always eager to tell him, but this time I was so upset with the world that I didn't want to talk about it. As we continued to talk, he told me that he was so thankful for his new part-time job. He went on to tell me that most of the new people who were hired, only a few would be able to work full-time. He goes, "Mom, those people make $10.00 an hour and most of them have to get second jobs." He told me about the work, about washing dishes and being a server. I realized that God has always provided me the with best jobs. I just fail to see the blessings. I'm here upset about driving an hour to my job where some people not only have to drive far, but work so hard that one job isn't enough. 

I learned a very important lesson that day. And it wasn't some self-help book, it was my very wise 18 year old. "Mom, he says, Take the job. Anyone else would want an easy job like that. Just take it."

And so I did.  

As I ran later on that day, I met a turtle who was struggling to find his home. I noticed an algae patch on his shell, so I figured he needed water. I found a nearby area with water that I placed him down in the water and he just shooted off into the water. I could only imagine how happy he was. I ran an extra mile to get this little fella into the water.  

I think it would have taken an eternity for the turtle to walk a mile. And it would have been difficult walking through the Costco parking lot trying to get into the water.  This when God taught me a very important lesson about helping out others. Not only by being a Nurse, but by helping my children become independent, especially my 18 year old. 

That day when I placed the turtle into the water, I told God I would stop complaining. 

                                        

                                                   Everything's gonna be alright. 

    

                                   

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic!

Eat Gluten-Free!

Jennifer 

I almost died Today

All that kept going through my head was,"What in the world are you doing?", "You're too old for this."

"You're not 18, or 25 anymore."

I can imagine what my neighbors thought as they saw me rollerblading through the neighborhood.   

As I was scanning through the skates at the store, an employee saw me trying them on and asked, "You skate?"

Of course I skate. Then I said a quick "Yes."

I do skate. Just haven't in 15 or more years. 

So as I hurried to put my skates on after my 4 1/2 mile run, Emily runs out and says, "Mom, don't do this."

                       What?

I've got this and I proceeded to show off my skills. 

I made it around the block went up a hill and realized that I was going to go faster downhill.

Something in me said "Take off the skates and walk down, but I ignored it. 

It was God, I believe.

So as I went down I felt my heart racing and thought I was going to die. I was going about 45 miles an hour and I couldn't stop.  There was a stop sign and I looked both ways. 

"Lord, please don't let me get hit by a car."

Fear gripped me. Then I decided to let go. I decided that I was going to enjoy the ride. And I did. I went up my driveway and stopped on the grass. No injuries. And it was the greatest feeling in the world. The wind, the sun, today was just a beautiful day. 

Are you afraid to do something because of fear?

God is always with us. I'm tired of the same boring run I do everyday. 

I love skating. I love the way it makes me feel free as I glide on my skates. And if I die, I know that Jesus will meet me as I enter the gates of heaven. 

                 I am not afraid. 

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free,

Jennifer 

Overwhelmed by You

4:30 a.m. Cancelled.  No other work. Go back to sleep and try to get at least another hour. Maybe I should go and run. Nope. I'm too tired. I go back to sleep and think about what our homeschool day will be like today since I will be home.  You see, the kids look forward to me working. They like it when they can look in their binders, pull out their daily schedule and start marking out all the tasks they have to do.  They love to work independently.  Seven years in the making, these kids know what is required of them.
I decide to wake up at 7 a.m. I'm going to start my day.  I quietly slip into my comfortable spot on the couch and decide to look at Facebook/Emails. What more could I do?  The kids are still sleeping.  David suggests I go for a run. Nope I say, I'm going to sit here depressed about work.  Nope, David makes me go.
I head to the trial.  I'm done after 3 miles.  I'm exhausted. Exhausted from thinking. Exhausted that we argued with our teenager yesterday.Exhausted that I don't have work. Exhausted because I'm depressed.

EXHAUSTED!!!!

Do you ever feel that you too are exhausted with just being?  

What about not knowing what tomorrow brings and knowing that you just have to trust that it will be a good day?

  I often think of tomorrow, but Jesus often told us not to worry about tomorrow.  

Do Not Worry

Luke 12:22-24

22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

You see, I have no control over what the day will bring. Yes, I can plan, I can decide when/where to work and what to do with my day, but we need to trust that God has everything planned out.  As for work, I do have work. As for food, my fridge isn't empty. As for my teenager, I'm learning. As for being depressed, I have the maker of the universe looking down on me and giving me all his Love.  

At this moment, I am overwhelmed by God's Love for me.  I love this song.  Please listen. 

Look at the children. How happy they are with so little.  

Until Next Time, 
Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten Free, 
Jennifer