Family

Family.  

My word for the year has been Family. It all started with my son Dave. He made sure to be with us anytime he had the opportunity. 2 jobs and being a young kid in Austin never stopped him from being with us. My days off would consist of us going into Austin to spend a day with him. Snooze was my favorite place to be, and he made sure that I enjoyed every minute of the day we spent together. 

Family. 

That's what fed my soul.  

That's what kept me grounded. 

Dave and Hazel.

Every holiday, every birthday celebration, we were inseparable. Requests from work would be made so that I would have one full day of celebration with my family. Weeks before I would work an extra day or two so I could have enough money to spend on a nice dinner and some really cool gifts to give. Last year, we all crammed into grandmas's house to exchange gifts for Christmas. We bought a tree, put up decorations, and spent a little bit more money on gifts that year. We never worried about where we would lay our heads down that night or what we would eat. Well, I always worry about what we'll eat because I'm a foodie, but we had Family.  

Christmas has and always will be my favorite holiday. For the past 2 years that grandma and grandpa housed us, I dug deep down into the depths of my soul to find peace and contentment in what we were given. You see, we had no chimney of our own to hang stockings on. We had no desire to buy decorations or lights to shine on our home. We had no home.

First year hanging stocking in our new home. Christmas 2018.

Christmas was just another reminder for me that I failed, and that next year we would have to work harder to be able to celebrate Christmas in our own house. Christmas for me was joy and pain wrapped up in my heart. Every year I waited for Yeshua (Jesus, my deliverer) to unwrap that pain, replace it with joy, and let it pour out into my life, and the life of others that I was entrusted with caring for.

This year my healing continues. The depression is still there; it comes when joy wants to be unwrapped. It steals the little joy that I have in my heart and replaces it with pain. It comes as tears stream down my cheeks while I'm sewing Christmas stockings. It comes as I'm wrapping gifts that were bought with love.

Joy has not fully been unwrapped. It still hasn't arrived, but I'm praying it does tomorrow. I pray that it's filled with contentment and immense cheerfulness as I see the kids open up their gifts on Christmas day. And I pray it comes when I just sit and close my eyes and wrap myself in the loving arms of my Savior.

Yeshua, come near.

I miss DJ.  I miss Kat.

Hazel and Kat

Family:  The greatest gift you could ever receive. 

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic,

Eat Gluten-Free, 

Jennifer Salas

Christmas 2018

This must be the place

Today ends the long worn out week that I've had. It's the end and the beginning of something so beautiful that my heart aches.  They say that  fear of the unknown is human nature.  It's that same fear that takes a hold of us and forces us to continue the same old path that we've been accustomed to. My two fears in life have been Death and Life.  Death is inevitable. Everyone fears it. I almost made it there, but I'm excited to say that I have overcame death twice and that my goal is to stay alive. The second fear I have is Life. During the past two years I've feared life itself.  It's a constant struggle to live and I'm not talking about depression.  God healed me of my depression. I'm talking about the fear of not providing enough for my family:  a home, a place of rest is where I want to be.  

Home is where I want to be.  

It's also the place where you make memories. A place where you rest. A place where you build a family so strong that it conquers the world.  And even though we are in a temporary place, I feel that we are stronger because of our struggles.  Tomorrow will be the beginning of struggle to find peace in my profession. A new beginning into caring for others in a way that I wish others would have cared for me when I was suffering from my postpartum depression.  It's where I need to be.

Thursday will be a day that will also come too soon. A day that I will have etched in my heart with the memory of saying goodbye to my first born son. A day of mourning. A day of joy. A day that my son will face the same fear I have: fear of the unknown.  A  day he will proudly serve our country so that he can have a future. A day that I never knew would come. A day that comes too soon.  

But with new beginnings there's a certainty that always comes when we believe in our creator. It's the certainty of a God that promises to never leave us or forsake us. A God who takes that fear and slowly changes it into a strong faith that will sustain us throughout our course. 

Home is where I want to be.  

But I guess I'm already there

Corpus Christi. 2001

DJ,

I'm gonna miss you boy. I'm gonna miss that big smile of yours. The kind heart you have. The joy you bring.  I am so proud of you.  Thank you for being you.  Because without you I would fall apart.

Mom

Kat, 

You are the other half of DJ that we are going to miss so much. From the moment we met you, we knew that you belonged in our family.  We will see each other soon.  We love you. 

Jennifer