I am taking care of me

During Savavasana (corpse pose) today a tear streamed down my face.  I'm emotional. Yes, I do know.  I just had a baby 3 months ago, not just, but if you think about it, that's 8 months (Hazel was born at 32 weeks) that my body went through some extreme changes; it made a baby and now 3 months later I'm trying to find myself.
For 10 years of my life I dedicated it to running and yoga.  And I should say not any yoga, I did Ashtanga yoga faithfully every day of my life.  So, you can see why I got all emotional today as I reflected back on everything I've been through the past 12 months of my life.

I saw my Psychologist today. If you've seen the TV show House, then you know the doctor on the show, well, he looks exactly like my shrink.  Today we discussed why I should be on medicine and that L-Methofolate hasn't shown any positive effects for depression.  I'm reminded that I need to see my primary doctor in regards to my folate deficiency and that its' best if I'm proactive about my postpartum depression and start taking medicine. In my chart I'm considered a non-complaint patient. I'm the one who starts a medication, gets off, then gets back on.  I go on to tell him that the last medication he put me on gave me really bad anxiety.
I contemplated on telling him that God is healing me.  Not a smart thing to say so I decide that its just between me and God.  Believe me when I say that I don't hear voices and I don't hear God talking to me. You don't have to worry about that.  I've suffered from depression all my life.  Later it just has a new name that my doctor calls: postpartum depression. I like to blame it on my hormones and the fact that my body is still in shock from being cut open to deliver a baby.

I'm not depressed. I don't have thoughts of hurting Hazel or hurting myself.  Hazel is a blessing.  Today during Yoga I was reminded that I am stronger than what I think and that I need to stop believing the lies that the evil one tries to throw at me.  Lies like: I'm useless. I'm better off dead.  No one appreciates you. You're a terrible mom.  You're fat. All these lies are meant to destroy me.  They are meant to put me into a deep depression that no one can get me out of.

Today I'm reminded that:

My life is beautiful. I'm beautiful. 

  I am So proud of myself for the Yoga I did today. Thank you Veronica.

This was the beginning of my Yoga practice 10 years ago.

Until Next Time, 
Eat Gluten-Free (I'm letting myself eat gluten and it feels so good)
Eat Organic,

Jennifer