Unplanned Leave of Absence

When you've been off of work for 19 days, there comes a day where you sit and reflect back on what the hell just happened these past few weeks.  Your existence in life.

What does it all mean?  

And why in the world haven't you worked? 

 I mean, you're not on vacation. "Are you?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Jennie, you may ask, "Are you having a midlife crisis? "

"Am I?"

Well, let me begin.  It all started this month when I had 2 unexpected deaths from healthy individuals. In the span of 3 weeks, two special needs individuals died.  If I had continued to work at this particular facility/assignment, I would have had a 4th one. 

I've worked hospice for more than half of my career as a nurse, so why did these two deaths hit me so hard?  Back in 2012 when I worked in a rehab unit, nights were the easiest and the least wanted shift. 

12 hour shifts. Easy. Then one day made me reevaluate my existence and honestly, I fell asleep while driving home so I vowed to never work a night shift ever again.  

Fast forward to 2022 and there I was working night shift (65 hour weeks). Energy drinks helped me stay awake, my eating schedule was that I ate the next day because I couldn't digest food on little sleep. Running 3-4 miles before my night shift gave me the endorphins I so needed. There were days where I would stay awake and do homeschooling with Hazel for 3-4 hours and then go to bed.  

Vegetarian Salad: Tofu, broccoli,tomatoes, mushrooms, 

brussel sprouts on a mixed salad. 

So, 19 days ago, my leave of absence began.  I cleansed my diet, began to start looking at my intake of food. I started a probiotic, health shake and BAM!!  12 pounds lighter, mind clearer, Hazel happy because we started back with our bike adventures that somehow ended up at McDonald's. 

Yes, my rest seemed to be going great until a few days ago when a sadness hit me so hard that it left me paralyzed.  David contributed it to the night before. We drove into Austin to celebrate Yan's 18th birthday.  Nope.  When my family says I'm like the energizer bunny, it's like the energizer bunny on Steroids.  Seriously.  That day tears filled my face.  Then my mind to begin to wonder.

• -you are a bad mom.

• -Why aren't you working?

• -What's wrong with you?

• -Why haven't you gotten your life in order?

• -you are a failure?

• -you are a nurse, why don't you want to take care of people anymore?

• Again, "What's wrong with me?'

As David lay next to me, reminding me of all the good and beautiful things I do. The wonderful mother I am, the tired worn out soul that maybe just needs to stay in bed; I rolled to my side, mustered the energy to rise up, wipe the tears from my eyes.

Walked outside, tied my running shoes tight and headed out into the sunshine. 

And just like that. Those endorphins helped me. Jennie came back again. 

Mindset changed. Just like that.  

We all need a cheerleader like David.  One that can bring us out of the darkness.  

May I do the same for others as well.  And maybe by writing again I can inspire you in some way. 

My indeed profile has been updated. My sewing is in full swing again (message me for your sewing needs). Fabric is being cut to make scrub hats. And as far as my nursing job goes, it will come. Or maybe it won't. Maybe what I've been doing my entire life will lead me into something that will not only bring me peace, but financial peace as well.  

What would you like to see Jennie create?

JennieSews specializes in hems, patch placement, button replacement, mending and custom creations to include scrub hats. 

Until Next Time, 

Go run!!!!

Jennie