Already? New Year's Eve!

"What are you doing this morning?" Emily.  "I'm blogging," She then runs away.
Meanwhile, the 14 year old is still in bed, the hubby has his astronaut mask on and hasn't come out of REM, the cat just threw up on the chair, spilled over the chickens yogurt, all while the chicken is pecking to try to take off her diaper so she can poop all over the floor.  Poor Nibbler is somewhere. He's so old that someone has to pick him up off our bed and lower him down to the floor.  He's probably still sleeping as well.

I'm wondering what to do with today since its New Year's Eve and everyone in the entire world except me has plans.  Seriously, my plan was to stay in bed all day and read books, but the laundry still needs to be done and of course we need to eat.  It would be nice if I could afford to buy some already made tacos and then get coffee from Starbucks, but I cant.  D.J., the oldest of the clan has been preaching to me constantly that we need to save money for the baby.  The kid is only 19 and he lives on his own.  Really, he uses public transportation everywhere he goes, he works, pays for his own apartment and lives the life of a single kid in Austin.

Does anyone want to babysit a chicken? We will pay you. 

Which brings me to the new year and things I need to work on.  I'm sure I can make a list somewhere and put all my goals/baby steps I need to work on.  But I'm too tired right now and the baby is hungry.  "Kids?  Anyone want Torchey's Tacos?  Just kidding.

I pray you have a wonderful day. A peaceful New Year's celebration.  Take it easy, it's just another year, You've Got This!

Books I wish I could read today.

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 

Eat Gluten-Free,

 Jennifer

I'm Pregnant

I'm pregnant.  I waited 4 weeks to announce this.  

The plan was to wait till Thanksgiving to announce it to everyone, but with my growing belly it was nearly impossible.  The thought of someone seeing me running on the road with my big belly made me think that it was time to spill the beans.  David was just as nervous as I was.  We planned for years for another baby and like I've always trusted that God's timing is not our timing.  My longing for a baby made me jealous at others, it made me sad, but I held on to the belief that God was always in control.   D.J., my oldest can't fathom the idea of having a brother at 19 and the kids of course are not happy.  Although, Emily has been rubbing my belly lately.  Zach tells me to stop sticking my stomach out which I reply with, "I can't, and "Behave!!, There's a baby in my belly!" Which he then responds back with,"It's not a baby yet."  Which then I show him this picture of a 2 month old fetus. 

Believe me, we have had numerous talks about if it were twins and then we try to think of a noble person that we can give the other baby away to.  Someone who really deserves a baby.

I wasn't very fond of having to go buy maternity clothes either and  at 1 month. I sure don't feel comfortable walking around at 2 months with a belly, let alone 9 whole months. Geez!

Running has been a chore. It's like being at Six Flags all day with your kids and you finally get to come home and rest. Well, the coming home resting feeling is how I feel everyday when I wake up.  Daytime sleepiness is equivalent to a normal persons 5 hour sleep.  That my friends is my nap.  And sleeping isn't the only thing that makes a baby grow, add food to that equation.  My stomach rumbles at the sound of the morning alarm.  It waits till its daylight so that I can shuffle my way into the kitchen and eat a bowl of sugar (I mean cereal).  It's a joyous time I know.  I'll have baby #4 stretch marks to prove it.   I'm excited. I'm thankful. But even more thankful that my new maternity clothes for running came in today.  Bummer that its raining.  David kinda has to keep an eye on me and he said, "No running in the rain."  Okay, now, baby safety is #1.

If you see me in my Candy Stripe skirt while I'm running on the road, Please wave and Smile.

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free,

Jennifer

This Morning

Woke up this morning, found a love light in the storm

Looked up this morning, saw the roses full of thorns

Guns are falling, they don't have nowhere to go
Oceans of diamonds always shine, smooth out below

Can we start it all over again, this morning?
I lost all my defenses, this morning
Won't you show me the way it used to be?
Beck: Morning Lyrics

Won't you show me the way it used to be?  

I love the lyrics to Beck's album Morning Phase, particularly this song which has brought so much clarity this morning as I prepared for David to come home from his hospital stay.  As a follower of Christ, when I gave my life to the creator, I consumed myself in Christian music. At that moment in my life I needed those uplifting words of hope and encouragement. Sometimes I'd switch the radio station back and forth and go back to a favorite christian song of mine.  Those are the times I'm consumed in an overwhelming deep sadness or frustration with the world. Sometimes it will be Mumford and Sons and if I'm ready to wake up to this world, its Alabama Shakes. 

 Oh, how I startle the kids when I play "Don't Wanna Fight No More."

  I haven't always been accepting of mainstream music.  During my darkest times of my depression mainstream music helped me. It spoke to me.  Songs like Morning helped me when I would wake up in the morning and just completely lose it.  Others like, Mountain Goats, where he talks about stabbing someone in the eye with a foreign object, helped me get through my anger.  No, seriously, I would never do that, but its a funny song.  The whole album is about wrestling and thats what the song is about.  When David and I saw them in concert, I cried.  The lyrics helped me understand the artist, to know that he experiences pain and sadness like I do and that in the midst of everything, all we want is to feel love and happiness.  The Mountain Goats are truly amazing. 

 Later that week, we all enjoyed The Legend of Zelda Symphony.  As a mom, I love doing things that my children love to do, even though I don't play the games.  Boy did I learn alot!!!  There were scenes from the games where I cried.  Games inspire the beauty of love and I saw that with Link and Zelda.  I also saw it with the way Link was battling the forces of evil.  Truly inspiring.  Made me want to go out and play all the Legend of Zelda games.  HA!!! We will see if that ever happens.  

David is a bit sad that we are missing MeWithoutYou.  We had tickets to see the show tonight, but are unable to go.  Of course, I told David he could wear an adult diaper and I could wheel him around in the wheelchair, but we forgot we have kids, a pet chicken and a dog.  So, we will wallow in our sadness and hope to make it to next years concert.

I will share with you some music, Don't get alarmed or startled over the Foreign Object song. It's just a song and its catchy. But, please don't ever stab someone in the eye with a foreign object.
It's not nice. You don't want to get arrested and you don't want that person suffering from blindness or worse the Emergency room visit they will endure.  Believe me, I was there Sunday and after they gave me Morphine, Benadryl and Zofran, I get a $5,000.00 bill.  Geez, they don't even wait till you get out of the room.  And your pretty much drugged up so you don't know what's going on.  At least they wheeled me up to ICU to be with David:  that was nice of them.
Oh, I better check, they probably charged me for that.  

Until Next Time,

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free,

Jennifer

And I think my life is hard

I'm driving. I'm crying. I'm trying not to just let this incident ruin my day. All I can think of is the money that they will be withdrawing from my account because PayPal withdrew a payment I authorized from the wrong account. I go on to tell David that this had been the worst week of my life. As I'm ranting, he's trying to recover from fixing our washer that just broke. "It won't spin." I scream from the garage, yes, I like to scream. Who doesn't? Knowing that no one can hear me as I'm screaming from two bedrooms down like everyone just waits to hear me speak. I think it gives me pleasure, you know those of us who scream just want attention. I want attention. I always do. I'll be two bedrooms down screaming for someone to bring me a towel because somehow I forgot I was going to get wet and needed to dry myself with something called a towel. 

So, my hubby was attempting to fix the washer that wouldn't spin. There literally was 3 huge blankets in the middle of a rinse when it just stopped and decided it wasn't going to spin them dry. First instinct: wring them out (seriously like it would have helped). I wanted to just toss all those blankets in the dryer. Great thinking Jennifer. You sure are a genius. 

David is on the other line exhausted from trying to fix the non-spinning washer. Meanwhile I'm on the other line ranting about how hard my life is.  

He then tells me, "you're alive, right?" 

Yes, I squeak like a pathetic mouse who is just spoiled. That's it, I'm spoiled. 

"You don't have a disease, he continues. You're healthy. These are material things that can be fixed."

David is the voice of Jesus.

 

Yes, I say, then I add, "I hate my life!!!"

At about that time I need to get off the phone and hurry up to make it to my 3pm shift. I work 3pm-11pm tonight and afterwards I will be one of those game geeks (no offense) that stands in line for hours (8 to be exact) to get the Limited Edition Majora's Mask.  Yes, I know, I'm addicted to games. No, it's not for me, I'm only kidding. It's for my crazy Legend of Zelda fans (kids) who are dying to get a copy of the limited edition that includes a figurine. I agreed to take them weeks ago, not sure if I was in my right mind, but I agreed and said I would take them. May God be with us as we venture into the geek world of gamers. 

Emily already picked out her drawing for art class tomorrow. Guess what? 

It's Legend of Zelda. Go figure. 

 I try to put on a fake smile. I walk into the facility and decide that these brain injury clients don't need a grumpy nurse handing them medications.  I mean come on, they struggle every freakin day to walk, talk, work, and I can't even smile. I'm pathetic. I try. 

I'm trying to pray as well. Then this client who's not even apart of the program walks in with his fingers all smashed up.  He's been waiting all morning for a nurse to look at his hand. I get there at 3pm. God knows how long he's been waiting. Poor soul.  He's technically not in the program. Yes, he's had some sort of brain injury, but he resides on the grounds and doesn't get our services. He tells me how he fell on his hand. It's red/swollen and he can't bend his fingers. A non-medical personnel examined his hand and told him to go to the nurses station so she could look at it. Great job, no-medical personnel, because unless you went to medical school or endured the most torturous nursing program and graduated and became a nurse, then you should NEVER examine anyone else's body part and say, "I don't think you broke it."

The client then goes on to tell me he's had over 100 seizures in a year and that he has a high pain tolerance level. And then he tells me the story about someone running over his foot with their car and he never felt it.  Yikes!!!!!!

I recommend he goes to the nearest Emergency room or med clinic. Then he tells me how if he goes he has to drop off his dog at the nearby doggy daycare. Then he needs to see the bus schedule, look in the phone book for the nearest med clinic or ER. 

All the while he's standing there holding his undiagnosed broken finger/fingers. 

And my jaw drops to the floor and I feel really shitty and I stop and tell God I'm sorry for being such an ass. I'm sorry for complaining. I'm sorry for being angry. 

I realize I'm human and that God loves imperfect people who use words like ass and shitty in their blog. 

I'm like seriously, this dude has to do all that. 

Do Everything without Complaining

I've decided that I'm going to take the "I'm so busy today, I don't know if  I'm coming or going" days as a sign that I have a good and wholesome life. Today was just one of those days where all I wanted to be was in my comfy spot with my heated blanket, my cup of coffee and my Bible.
I was far away from my comfort spot, standing in line at Costco paying for groceries, going to Target for prescriptions, going to get my TB test done, taking Zach to his private English lessons with Marie, going to the Dollar Tree, Fed-EX, Chick-Fla (free coffee) and to the post office.

I'm exhausted writing down everywhere I went.  I felt like my brain was on fire.  The kids didn't do school of course, although I could have told them to read while we were driving around, but that's torture.  So, instead I bribed them with $10.00 each if they read for 30 minutes and did math. Zach took the deal. Emily just rambled on about next month being her B-day, which she didn't have to do. So, I guess she didn't need the money.

Nurse called and David's Vit D level is low, so another trip to Target tomorrow to get the goods. Finished taking some long tests for work (annual thing) and was thinking how great it is to not be in school.  Although, I have been thinking about going back.  Praying for now.  So, what was your day filled with?

I'm thankful that I got so much done, but feel like I need to go run some more.  5 miles this morning wasn't enough.  Thankful that I met a human being on my run that really inspired me.  As you know, I always run and if I see someone walking, I share the gospel with him/her. Last week it was Whitney.  I told her that God loved her and she gave me the biggest hug ever.  Today was Jason and he was from out of town. He was looking for somewhere to eat. I directed him to McDonald's, where I just had a free cup of coffee (only on Mondays during breakfast hours).

Busy.  Thankful.  I love my Life.

Until Next Time, 

Eat Organic, 
Eat Gluten-Free, Meat-Free


Jennifer